May 1, 2021 is my Mexi-versary, or my Emancipation Day, as I’d like to say.
Four years ago today, my husband and I boarded a one-way flight to Cancun with more questions than answers, but with a clear knowing that something had to change.
It was the height of the pandemic. The world was unraveling—and so was I. Although we’d had survived COVID, I was barely surviving my grief.
I’d just lost a dear friend to suicide. My heart was broken, my spirit was downtrodden and my mind was so confused.
At the same time, we were all witnessing—yet again—how little Black lives seemed to matter in the United States.
And I had to ask myself: didn’t mine matter enough to choose something different?
It did. And so I chose myself.
In the time since I made my exit from the U.S., I've shed survival mode, reclaimed my breath, and remembered who I was before the world told me who I had to be.
Mexico didn’t save me. I saved me. And God met me in the process.
But this place? This place has held me. Softened me, witnessed me and nurtured me in ways the United States of America never could.
To honor this milestone, I wrote a letter to the version of me who was just brave enough to begin. She didn’t know how it would unfold. Only that it had to.
Here’s what I’d tell her now, from the other side of that one-way flight…
A letter to my exhausted, burnt out, grieving, and enraged 33 year old self:
Dear Courtney,
You’re taking such a bold, life-changing step that might look nonsensical to some, but will make all the sense in the world in just a few short years.
Often, the main difference between being perceived as either brilliant or insane is simply time.
You’re a visionary. Don’t ever forget it.
And YOU AREN’T CRAZY for wanting to leave the U.S. and for following through on those desires.
Nah.
You’re BRILLIANT and BRAVE for what you’re about to do.
The most important part of all this is that you’ll know it in your heart - without needing to hear the cheers or see the applause. This ain’t even about that.
This is about self-preservation. You’ll just so happen to set an example when others figure out what time it really is.
Life is sweet. It can be for you. It gets to be so for you.
Don’t let the lying liars who parrot and perpetuate white supremacist delusions and colonial ideologies make you believe otherwise.
You don’t know it yet, but getting on this plane is going to propel you into a new portal, a new dimension, and a new era.
Your soft girl/best life era.
Because you’ve been big dawg for long enough.
Freedom, ease, abundance and joy are your birthrights, which means you get to experience them in THIS lifetime. NOW.
Not only after you’re dead and gone like they want to make you believe.
Mexico is gonna be so good to you that you ain’t gonna wanna leave after just 6 months.
You can’t leave so soon, anyway. Stay. There’s something waiting for you there…
It’s your creative awakening and what you birth is going bring you so much joy and fulfillment.
Your artistry knows no limits and when you lean into it, you’ll soar in ways you won’t believe.
Survival mode will be a thing of the past and you’ll be set free to BE.
Keep living. It gets so much better, beloved.
But you just gotta keep on living.
-Courtney
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