Trump won the U.S. Election, and my DMs/text notifications are BLOWING UP with one question: “How did you move abroad?”
I know I can’t be the only one.
Expats and immigrants worldwide are watching their DMs flood with hopeful messages, desperate questions, and urgent curiosities.
Everyone, it seems, is looking for a way out. ASAP.
Of course, this isn't new. The yearning for freedom beyond familiar borders is inherent in our DNA as Black people because our ancestors understood that sometimes survival meant movement.
Sometimes freedom means leaving.
But in 2024, that age-old impulse is colliding with modern realities: social media has made the world smaller, remote work has made mobility more accessible, and political uncertainties have made many question their attachment to "home."
For those who've already made the leap overseas —the ones who've built lives in places like Playa Del Carmen, Lisbon, Ghana, and beyond—this surge in interest presents us with a unique challenge.
Most of us want to help. After all, we needed guidance, too, once upon a time. We remember the uncertainty, the questions, the need for someone to simply confirm that yes, this dream could become reality.
But as questions multiply, it’s also necessary to approach these conversations with intention and consideration.
The Art of Asking for Help
Before we dive into the specifics, I want to acknowledge something important: your desire to leave is valid. The anxiety you're feeling about the future? Valid. The hope that somewhere else might offer what home currently doesn't? Very valid.
Still, valid feelings need VIABLE plans - if you’re serious about making it work, that is.
So, before you add another message to someone’s already overflowing inbox...
Let's talk about how to go about getting the first-hand information you need - WITHOUT overwhelming your friends and acquaintances living abroad.
1. Are you really about this life?
The pattern has become predictable: A contentious election. A controversial Supreme Court decision. Another viral video of violence that makes your heart sink. Suddenly, social media timelines fill with declarations of "I'm leaving!" and expat DMs overflow with urgent questions about life abroad.
But here's what seasoned expats understand: the journey from "I need to leave" to "I've built a life elsewhere" requires more than a reaction to current events. It demands a sustained commitment to transformation. The kind of commitment that outlasts news cycles. The type of dedication that stands firm even when the headlines that sparked your initial interest have become yesterday’s news.
Think of it like this: Every day, people sign up for gym memberships in January, driven by the urgency of New Year's resolutions. By mid-February, the gym is empty again. Why? Because lasting change requires sustained dedication, clear vision, and practical planning.
Moving abroad is no different. In fact, the stakes are significantly higher. You're not merely buying a membership you might not use—you're potentially uprooting your entire life.
So, before you reach out to someone who's already walking this path, pause and ask yourself:
Will these plans still feel solid when the headlines cool down?
Can you articulate your "why" beyond current events?
Are you prepared for honest conversations about the struggles, not just the sunsets?
When you envision this life abroad, are you seeing the full picture or just the highlight reel?
2. Are you asking the right person?
Here's a scenario that plays out daily in expat DMs across the globe: Someone dreams of life in Bali, so they reach out to their friend living in Bangkok. Or they're curious about Portugal but slide into the DMs of someone who's been documenting their journey in Mexico. While the intention is understandable, the logic needs examination.
The expertise gained navigating life as a Black expat in Mexico City doesn't necessarily translate to making a life in Madrid, even if Spanish is spoken in both places.
This isn't just about geography. It's about understanding that the expat you're reaching out to likely isn't a relocation specialist, immigration lawyer, or professional consultant. They're someone who successfully navigated one specific path, to one specific place, under one specific set of circumstances. Their experience, while valuable, is exactly that—their experience.
Think of it like this: if you needed heart surgery, you wouldn't consult a dermatologist just because they're both doctors. Yes, they both work in medicine, but their expertise is distinct and specific. The same principle applies here.
So before you press send on that DM, ask yourself:
Does this person actually live in (or have recent experience with) your target destination?
Are you looking for general inspiration or location-specific guidance?
Have you considered that their visa pathway might be completely different from what's available to you?
Would your questions be better answered by a professional (immigration lawyer, tax consultant, relocation specialist)?
3. Have you started doing your own research?
The message usually arrives around midnight or a weird time early in the morning: "Hey! I see you're living your best life in [insert country]. I've been thinking about moving abroad. Can you tell me everything I need to know?"
Everything.
Let that sit for a moment. Everything about building a life in a new country. Everything about navigating immigration systems. Everything about finding housing, healthcare, community. Everything about reconstructing your entire existence in a place you've never been.
It's like walking into a library and asking "Can you tell me everything about books?"
The sheer vastness of that request signals something deeper: a misunderstanding of what it means to build a life abroad. The journey toward moving abroad is a research project where you're both the principal investigator and the subject of study. Your unique circumstances, your specific needs, your particular dreams—these require your own initial investigation.
Think about how you approach other major life decisions. When you're buying a car, you don't just text a friend who owns one and ask them to explain everything about car ownership. You research models, read reviews, compare prices, understand insurance requirements. You come to the conversation with car-owning friends armed with specific questions about their experience.
This isn't like any other life change you've navigated before. Moving abroad means dismantling your entire life's scaffolding and building something new in unfamiliar terrain. Your routines, your support systems, your basic understanding of how to accomplish daily tasks—everything shifts.
Before you send that DM, consider:
Have you googled?
Can you name at least three potential challenges you might face?
Do you understand the fundamental visa requirements?
Have you researched cost of living comparisons?
Here’s a pro tip:
When you do reach out, let your message reflect your preparation: "I've been researching South Africa and noticed x,y,z. I'm really curious about your quality of life there and would love to hear your perspective on that."
This approach does more than just respect the time of those you're asking for help—it demonstrates that you're serious about this journey. It shows that you understand that moving abroad is not just an extended vacation but a complex undertaking that requires thorough preparation.
More importantly, it helps you ask better questions. Instead of "How did you move abroad?" you might ask "I see that Thailand offers a digital nomad visa requiring proof of income around $___ per month. How did you find that requirement matches with the actual cost of living there?"
The quality of the answers you receive often directly correlates with the quality of the questions you ask. The more specific your queries, the more valuable the insights you'll gain.
4. Do you actually know them like that?
Social media has created an interesting paradox in how we view connections. That person’s journey you've been following? The one whose Instagram Stories you've faithfully watched, whose posts you've liked, whose life abroad seems to unfold in perfect squares on your screen? They might feel like a friend. But remember: digital proximity isn't the same as relationship.
Picture this: You wouldn't walk up to a stranger at a coffee shop and ask them to share their life's blueprint, would you? Yet somehow, in the digital age, we've normalized sliding into the DMs of distant connections with requests that require tremendous emotional and intellectual labor.
It's worth examining what makes these requests particularly complex for Black expats. Many have intentionally cultivated their online presence as a form of documentation, representation, and in some cases, resistance. They're sharing their stories not just as travel influencer content, but as proof of possibility. This generosity in sharing, however, doesn't automatically translate to availability for individual guidance.
Before your fingers hover over that "send" button to ask that burning question, ask yourself:
When was your last meaningful exchange with this person?
Have you engaged with their content beyond lurking with passive likes and views?
Would you feel comfortable making this request in person?
5. Do you have the basics covered?
Imagine walking into an architectural firm to request their help with building your dream house, but when asked about your budget, timeline, or preferred location, you have no answers. Just vibes. Just the certainty that you want a house. Somewhere. Somehow.
This is how it feels when someone reaches out about moving abroad without having addressed the fundamental building blocks of their plan. The enthusiasm is great, but the lack of preparation poses problems.
Here's what seasoned expats know: The most crucial work happens before the plane ticket is purchased. It happens in the quiet hours of research, in the careful evaluation of resources, and in the honest assessment of your readiness to bounce.
Keep this essential checklist in mind as you plan:
Do you know how you’ll sustain yourself financially while living abroad?
Do you have a valid passport?
Have you narrowed your search down to some specific locations?
Do you have a basic understanding of the visa requirements for where you want to go?
6. Is your timeline reasonable?
Everytime the political pendulum swings, a familiar chorus rises from folks across America who turn the volume up on their desires to exit. Social engagement spikes on expat-related content. The pattern is as predictable as it is understandable. When home feels hostile, the instinct to seek refuge elsewhere is natural, even necessary.
But here's what experience has taught those who've successfully built lives abroad: Haste makes waste, but in international transitions, that waste comes with hefty price tags—both financial and emotional.
Your urgency needs to be tempered with strategy. Otherwise, you risk turning a potential pathway to freedom into a roundtrip ticket back to square one.
Think of your timeline as a blueprint for your liberation. Each phase needs adequate time. You need:
To build financial reserves beyond just "getting there"
To understand the visa processing times and requirements
To develop key skills that will serve you abroad
To create connections on-the-ground in your target destination
To set up remote work arrangements or job prospects
To learn basic language skills
To organize your affairs at home
Remember: Your ancestors dreamed of having the choices you have now. Honor their dreams by moving with intention.
The freedom you seek tomorrow is anchored in how you prepare today.
Smart Moves For Serious Planners
The path to a life of thriving abroad isn't merely about what you know—it's about who you know and how you move.
Here's what many expats/immigrants wish someone had told them before they started their journey:
Consider consulting with immigration experts or relocation specialists
Join online communities with like-minded people. Many are on Facebook!
Start learning the language of your target country
Build/grow an emergency fund
We’re Not New to This. We’re True to This.
The desire to seek freedom elsewhere isn't new. Since the dawn of time, Black people have been on the move. It's buried deep in our DNA.
Let your exit be strategic, not just emotional. Let your planning be thorough, not just urgent.
You’ve got this, and I’m here to help.
Because I want to help you build something that lasts—not just escape something that hurts. ✊🏾
-Courtney
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